I hated Jeopardy growing up. Something that was a nightly routine for my dad was sheer torture for me, as I was forced to watch too. Thirty minutes of geekiness and boredom and useless knowledge. Aside from the hours and hours of the History Channel, Jeopardy ranked right up there on the "Kill-Me-Now" scale.
Now? I watch Jeopardy. There. I admit it. And other than Kevin, who pretty much has an entire head full of useless knowledge and somehow knows the answer to almost every question (leading me to ask the common question "Why do you know that?"), I am not half bad at it. But that's not what this is about.
This is about those insane stories that each contestant tells when they are introduced to the TV audience. Have you watched these?
Alex: "This is Carol from Wisconsin. Carol, as I understand it you had an interesting experience with a bird one time. Tell us about it."
Carol: "Absolutely. I was walking through downtown one day on my way to a doctor's appointment, and when I checked in at the desk, I realized that a bird had relieved itself on my shoulder. It was very embarrassing."
Alex: "That does sound embarrassing. Welcome, Carol."
What???
Alex: "Next we have Troy from Washington, DC. Troy, it says here you once had aspirations to climb Mount Everest."
Troy: "Yes, Alex. I watched a documentary one time about mountain climbing, and so I tried climbing a small mountain in my hometown, but broke my leg on the way up, so that's it for mountain climbing."
Alex: "Ahhh, that's too bad. Well, anyways, we're glad to have you."
Huh?
Alex: "Lastly is Harold from Palo Alto, California, whose nickname with his friends is Hopalong Hal. Can you tell us why?"
Harold: "That's right. Well, it started back in high school when my OCD was out of control, and I couldn't step on cracks in the sidewalk, so I would hop over them. I guess the name just stuck."
Alex: "How interesting, Hopalong Hal." (audience laughs)
What are these things? I swear, my absolute favorite part of the show is listening to these asinine stories from the contestants during their introductions. I literally laugh every episode, when I know in my heart they had no intention of being funny. Tonight, after an actual story about some guy getting his wallet stolen and all the credit cards being used, I wondered to myself, what would my story be?
Talk about your life flashing before your eyes. Now I'm going back over my entire 35 years of existence to find the cute and quirky stories that could be told in a quick little diatribe with Alex Trebek. Carol's story above was actually inspired by a story of mine. When I moved to DC and decided to tour the Mall my first day there, a bird pooped on my hot dog cart hot dog, completely ruining my first day in a new city. But do I really want the whole world to know I almost ate that hot dog? No.
There was the time I drove all the way through Kansas without stopping. Have YOU driven through Kansas from one side to the other? That deserves some sort of medal or something. Medals also to all the people who live in Kansas, although I barely saw any people during that drive. So if you live there, where? All I saw were flatlands of nothingness. And a 100+ car train from engine to caboose in a single view. Yes, Kansas is flat.
Or there was the time I cut my bangs too short in high school, and they stuck straight out from my head. I tried to glue them to my forehead with gel and mousse, but when they would dry they would just stick right back out again. That one's a favorite of all my sweet friends who witnessed it, and like to relive the story every time we get together. (Love you, my girls!)
But ultimately, I know there's a lot of my life to live. Lots of stories yet to be written. And Jeopardy will just have to wait.
So that being said, what would your story be?
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